Monday, 9 July 2012

update on the sleeping beauty

you're all so sweet :)

thank you for all your comments wishing me well. means a lot to me having your feedback. like I say on the comments box each one is a real treat. makes me really happy to read you. I try to return that love the best I can. there are days that I'm really sad and have no energy. please forgive me. you make me so happy with your caring and kind words.

I'm not better nor worst. I'm numb. today I got out of bed around 05pm. slept most of the time. I've good dreams, happy dreams and most days I don't want to end them. and I manage to go back to sleep to the same dream. so I stay in bed. besides my mother's angry face I'm comfortable this way. I'm happy in my dreams. nevertheless I'm blogging more, I feel the need to write more but I'm not sure if my words will be happy and somehow I need you here too. feeling comfortable too. so I'm open to suggestions. what would you like to read from me?

I forgot all about my blogoversary but the truth is: this blog is over one year old. and all this time I've been sharing more pictures than words so there might be somethings you're curious about. please, let me know. right now I'm following Grey's Anatomy season seven (when there is the shooting and Christina saves Derek's life with a gun point to her head). after that experience Christina sort of forgot everything that make her a surgeon and doesn't care about almost anything, all she wants is life to be simple. me too.

a few years ago my psychiatrist told me to start an account on Hi5 to socialize. and I did, and it worked. had lot's of virtual friends and I was there on a daily basis. when I was sad I used to ask them to tell me jokes and I was blessed. then I started my account on Facebook and spent most of the time in Farmville. it was what I needed to shut up my mind. I started blogging again when I felt strong enough to leave my shell.

the drugs took away some of the pain but emotionally I haven't healed yet. all my doctor do is prescribe drugs to stop my suffering but no one have yet helped me deal with my emotions. I'm very angry with myself for letting men hurt me the way they did. that madness almost drove me insane so I feel I haven't been ready to deal with my emotions yet. but I'm working on it slowly, in the therapy group and I also asked my family doctor to be followed by a psychologist.

meanwhile I've happy dreams and so I sleep a lot. I feel loved in my dreams. why would I end it! I also feel love through your comments, it's great to know you're there (here). so give me your suggestions to make me write more and please don't leave me when I'm sad. thanks a bunch for being here. xxo


Rita said...

Even if you cannot change things (yet), you can start thinking about them. That's like having a little bit of power over them.
eventually, you can do it:)

Sanghamitra Bhattacherjee(Mukherjee) said...

Beautiful photography and texture!
Thanks for sharing.
Hope to see you on my blog:)

Nancy Claeys said...

Ana, please don't sleep your life away.

There are bad people in this world and it's wrong to let them rob you of your youth.

Been there, done that. Life is good and you are such a sweet person. It pains me to see you like this.

I hope the sun is shining on you today. xo

kkkkaty said...

Hello Ana,
Your photo of the yellow rose is so you ;-) Know that you are loved by the many who have come in contact with you, and when you don't want to get out of bed, try to feel the warmth of the sunny rose on your face and draw strength from it..out of your pain, many more beautiful roses will bloom....I want to share this poem with you that I have posted on my desk -

Someone I loved


gave me a box full of darkness

it took me years to understand

that this too, was a gift….

Mary Oliver