at dawn I went to the old house to check the mailbox. caught a beautiful sunset and while I was walking I realized I was having a panic attack. my mother has been strange all day, sort of sleeping all day long, she say her head feels empty and cloudy. then I've no money left from my savings and have to pay the credit card with my next income (which is less than the portuguese minimum wage) and buy my meds, and feed my cat, and help my mother with the rent. I'm not consciently thinking about all this, but my levels of fear are getting higher. specially because my mother doesn't make me feel safe. and I've no one else. I even doubt one month will be enough to move everything from the old house. she is very unpredictable. we were living at the old house since last year and her room there is still to unpack. and now I've no money left to speed things up. I love the new house but I'm scared by the old idiosyncrasies. please, keep us in your prayers.