Saturday, 22 September 2012

Happy Autumn.. or Spring!

autumn arrived on a sunny day. slept most of it. during the night my room sounds like the countryside: there are dogs, chickens and a dunkey nearby. and they fill the night with their voices. nevertheless, today was a good day. had time to talk with my mother. we didn't do it for a while. she falls asleep around 8pm and gets up at 5am. I fall asleep around 3am and wake up to lunch, then sleep some more. I missed her. she is not okay. having panick attacks. she got angry when I said it but to me is what it is. for her is just anxiety. I tried to explain her that a panick attack is anxiety but she doesn't want to know. today she told me that one of these mornings, while I was sleeping, she went to the ER. we have one week left to finish the moving and things are a bit undone. and when my mother try to be at the old house she have trouble breathing and her heart races (a panic attack I say). we had to sell what was left of our gold to be able to rent the new home and paint it. and we still need money to bring the furniture, books and china this week. I spent my last savings on my new bed, now I've to pay my credit card slowly each month. I was using my savings to do full payments, now it's over. I payed the moving of my room and we brought the tv and the washing machine along. but all the rest is still waiting. since I don't have a sollution, we don't talk about money. simply that we don't have it. but I'm happy my mother was seen by a doctor. she is keeping the promise of taking care of herself. thing she didn't do when we got evicted last year. 

I was having panic attacks because of all the things undone. I guess that is why I'm sleeping so much. then I realised I've no sollution and stopped worrying so much. but I still get anxious I cannot help more. writing about it isn't doing me no good. so I'll stop. sorry. please keep us in your prayers and be blessed.

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