Monday, 29 October 2012

about trust and an epiphany

photo taken by Francisco Oliveira

I don't know who I am. at least I think I don't. today on the way home from a hospital appointment I had an epiphany but now is gone. my mind is numb because of the medication but I need to know who I am. I believe I'm a good person, who makes many mistakes. I spent a whole day with new friends and I almost didn't say a word. I have nothing interesting to say so I prefer to be quiet (except if someone brings their cats to the conversation). Francisco taught me new things about my camera. he was the first person in my life who looked at me and said "I thought you were younger". I didn't ask how old he think I am. now I wonder. I don't know how to socialize but I trust people very easily. we went to Guimarães because I said we needed a ride and Alberto Blanquett said he could take us. and we had a blast of a Saturday. my mother talk for the both of us. I've a feeling I might think I'm not interesting. because none of the men in my life respected me. maybe they didn't really love me. wait, that's not a maybe it's a conviction. well my epiphany is gone, it was a wise one I'm sure.

happy Monday dearests :) xxo

11 comments:

Blue said...

és uma pessoa mt especial com uma enorme sensibilidade e cheia de dons.
acredita em ti, liberta-te... tu tinhas mts temas de conversa, nc nos calavamos...! ora trocavamos mails gigantes, ora eram encontros de horas e horas..
desperta em ti isso, deixando de acreditar "que n és interessante, n tens tema".
Tens sim... simplesmente nem deixas que venham à superfície.
Adoro-te mt e és uma pessoa mt especial (sei que comecei a dizê-lo mas nc é demais terminar a dize-lo)
Força!
P.S. Estão as duas mt giras na foto. Parabéns :)

Gail Dixon (Louisiana Belle) said...

I'm a quiet person, too, in social situations. Sometimes I feel it's better to be quiet than to say something stupid, but that's just my insecurity taking hold. I think we all have our own set of insecurities. Your photo with your mom is very sweet. You look happy and she adores you. Be well. :)

Renae said...

Ana - you are a human. Human's make mistakes. What we do about those mistakes is the question. You are a talented photographer. Take that a run with it.

Yes those little pumpkins are real. They are solid. You can't hollow them out so people just by them for decorations because they are so dang cute.

Happy Halloween!

Amarie said...

I'm not a very sociable person, either. The thing is, I DO think I'm an interesting person, I just don't know how to express it, sometimes, without looking like a goof. :)

And I'm sure you are, too. Just be who you are, and everything will work out the way it should.

Ms. A said...

When you are in a social situation and find yourself being quiet, try finding (or overhearing a topic) and join in. Especially if it's a topic you are familiar with... like photography! Once you do it a few times, it will get easier.

kkkkaty said...

...also,, you can compliment someone on something about them..what they are wearing or anything positive..it usually gets people talking and the conversation goes from there ;)

Sofia Morgado said...

Partilho da opinião de Blue! Sempre achei que tinhas bons temas de conversa! É certo que a vida te "levou" por caminhos que não esperavas, mas continuas a ser tu e com todo o teu potencial! é certo que fizeste outras aprendizagens e ergueste outras barreiras, mas a mesma Ana continua aí! E mesmo que a nossa ligação não tenha sido tão grande assim, com mais trocas "virtuais" do que cara a cara, foste parte importante de uma etapa do meu caminho! Gosto muito de ti amiga! Força!
Beijocas doces (( ))

Indigo Janson said...

There are days when I too would rather talk about cats or even better talk to the cats themselves! It's ok to be introverted if that is your personality or even if you are just having that kind of a day. No need to push yourself to be someone you are not. You are fine exactly as you are.

Jen Price said...

I think everyone is uniquely created and everyone has something to offer to others. Dig down and you'll find it. Don't believe lies that you don't have anything interesting to offer. :)

Lisa Gordon said...

Ana, my friend, I think you underestimate the importance of what you have to say. Just look back at this post, and you will realize that you've said a lot. All of which is very important, because it's YOU!
xo.

Rita said...

Ana <3
Se nenhum te respeitou, de certeza que não foi por culpa tua. Às vezes, independentemente do que façamos, as pessoas têm a sua própria agenda e vão agir mal connosco. É uma pena, é injusto, mas é assim mesmo. A única coisa que se salva desses desencontros é sabermos que não foi culpa nossa. Qualquer pessoa pode escolher ser ou não má, ser ou não respeitadora. Nós escolhemos todos os dias não agir mal - porque é que os outros não devem ser também responsabilizados pela sua escolha?
Abraço grande e muita força*