Saturday, 13 October 2012

childhood memories and regrets

Me with 15 years old

I was wiser as a teenager. didn't feel lonely and so I was more lucid. then my grandmother died (on my 14th birthday) and I began to loose my ground. having an absent father didn't help either. and when I moved to Lisbon, although felt like all my dreams were coming true, I was more alone then ever. I love my hometown but living there with lack of money all the time made me insecure. so I regret my parents moving to Porto when we were little (I was four years old), made me go back to Lisbon on my own, twenty-two years later, without my family to back me up. but what I regret the most are the men I gave my heart to. they didn't treat it as precious and now I'm broken. I regret being so lonely I didn't treat myself as precious, allowing to be hurt. curiously that didn't made me stronger. made me fragile. as a teenager I believed everyone was good then I got betrayed and lied to by all the men in my life and now I don't trust them. and I suffer because I've always dreamed of a good companion, who love me and respect me. the problem is: my trust is broken.

I had a happy childhood, before my parents drift apart. I don't regret my family, not even my father. I love them deeply. and now being in Porto doesn't matter anymore. it's were my family is and I need them.

4 comments:

Ms. A said...

Everyone has regrets, but there are good men out there. I know, because I have one!

Viv (modifica) said...

It took me a long time to find mine as well but don't stop keep an open heart.

Emily S said...

Trust is so hard to earn back once lost. I know it takes a long time to learn to love and trust someone.

Buttons said...

Oh Ana you are so strong.B