Friday, 16 November 2012

happy weekend sweeties :)


maybe is the hair cut. maybe is the grey and rainy day. I feel uncomfortable. in my little world something changed (maybe it's both) and caught me unprepared. maybe is a recent fear of losing my mother (and my ground). I used to love rainy days to be cozy inside. I also used to love reading (now I'm not ready to deal with all the emotions). rainy days were reading days. today, instead of spending the day working on the computer, I spent it watching television with my mother. after the third episode I was feeling weird. maybe it was that too. my mother spend the all day watching tv. can't keep up with her. I'm happy with one episode in the evening. tv during the day makes me feel weird. not a good experience. maybe is because this Sunday we are going to catch a bus and walk a while to see an exhibition. being outside so long makes me want to stay in bed. my mother has her own psychologist and I fear I'm the topic of conversations. my mother speech is changing and is silly like if she completely forgot what I've been through. like someone else's voice. a lot of things are going to change this year and it's happening too quickly for me. my mother is my ground. that's not good. I don't feel I've a ground on my own. maybe I feel threatened. my psychologist said I'm like a bird who lives in a cage and so she wants me to be outside a day a week, it has to be slowly. this approach doesn't scare me. what scares me is that my mother's doctor wants her to attend Senior's University and I might be left alone. I don't intend to be selfish but I'm afraid of myself. alone. maybe tomorrow my fears will be gone!

4 comments:

Jacquelineand.... said...

Fear, like anger, is a tool. Use it as a reminder to pay attention to what is going on around you, and let it go.

I know! Light a candle when you feel afraid, then sit and consciously think about what it might be calling your attention to. When you're done with your thinking time blow the candle, and the fear, out. It will feel strange at first but it may well help...and what harm would it do?

*hugs* Happy weekend!

Ms. A said...

When fear tries to overtake me, I try to rationalize it with... what's the worst that could happen. If it isn't life, or death, I try very hard to let it go. It isn't always easy and it takes practice, but it does help.

Gail Dixon (Louisiana Belle) said...

Oh, I hate to think of you feeling frightened and alone. Sometimes new things or situations can bring on those feelings. Whenever I feel afraid I pray to God. I'm not forcing my belief on you, but sharing what gets me through tough times. Maybe tomorrow will be a nice day and you can get out and enjoy it. Wishing you all the best.

Rita said...

It's okay to be afraid. Voice all that fear, you have the right:)